Called to say,
“I'm taking a break”
She didn't know
(or maybe she did)
The break was more
Than meta-
Physical-a crack
In the glass round his
Heart
Vitreous anticipation
Shimmer to shatter
Tried to be light
In vain
The dark discovers
Deception
Day 2 of Poem A Day with Robert
Brewer-Poetic Asides; also offered for the prompt from Alan who had
some rocking music, with great lyrics-Crack in the Castle of Glass,
at Poetry Jam poetryjaam.blogspot.com
Hi, Sara! Glass around a heart, not good... although I've known a few, and been in similar situations. Those last few lines are haunting, mysterious.
ReplyDeleteHi Laurie!! Sometimes I feel like that's about all the protection I have around that vital organ, and then other times not--I actually wasn't thrilled with the last lines, felt like I needed to have more closure, but with poem a day, I have to just throw it out there:-)
Delete"Shimmer to shatter" -- I particularly like this. I do think there are often many more possibilities for deception in the dark even when one tries to be light. I enjoyed your poem!
ReplyDeleteHi Mary!! I can't resist alliteration :-) Thank you!
DeleteA break, metaphysical or otherwise, always seems to demand some kind of unrehearsed, reactionary drama! Love the tensions in this poem!
ReplyDeleteHi Gemma!! What an astute observation-glad you enjoyed the tensions, I was striving to create that:-)
DeleteThe glass around his heart - I love this image, how fragile life is and how we can see into each others lives. Very thought provoking and great poetry.
ReplyDeleteHi Alan!! You are so perceptive! The heart can be so fragile, and then so strong--thank you, your comments really made me smile :-)
DeleteA change of heart more like.
ReplyDeleteHi Cressida!! You win! That is exactly what this is about :-)
DeleteThe lack of punctuation makes for an intriguing ambiguity at times. An enjoyable read.
ReplyDeleteHi Dave!! I do enjoy creating ambiguity, though I have to confess it was haste, not intent that made me leave out punctuation :-)
Deletesmiles...nice line breaks in this...a break...i wonder how one really takes a break from life....from others...cressida may be right...
ReplyDeleteHi Brian!! Yes, Cressida was right--though a break from others works too :-)
DeleteNicely! Love the way you did this!!
ReplyDeleteMy Day Three is here
Hi! Welcome--really enjoyed your poem as well :-)
ReplyDeletethe glass round his heart...fragile stuff and wonder how it comes out after the "break"...a whole different story me thinks..
ReplyDeleteHi Claudia! You thinks correctly, isn't that always the first step?
DeleteLove your creative punctuation - or lack thereof! It worked so well. "Shimmer to shatter" surely worked well, too!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Mary Ann!! Loved your creativity as well, thank you very much :-)
DeleteGreat word play and positioning in this piece! I read this one a few times, playing with the stress on words and the flow from line to line ... fun! Great work here!
ReplyDeleteHi Susan!! That really makes my day when someone takes the time to read through and play with the words! Thank you so much!!
DeleteLoved the mystery in this Sara. Great response to the prompt. Looks like you are busy this month!
ReplyDeleteHi David!! It was fun to create some mystery, and I'm trying to keep with an annual tradition of Poem a Day-its a stretch! :-)
DeleteOh-oh ... calling to announce a break. Hard as it is, best to do that face to face. I also enjoyed 'shimmer to shatter.' Very nice.
ReplyDeleteHi Helen!! How perceptive of you! That is so true. Always love hearing from you:-)
DeleteSome excellent word paintings in this. Lots of meaning each time I reread it. Thanks for visiting my blog as well!
ReplyDeleteHi Peggy!! Thank you for taking the time to reread and find new meanings. Always love to visit your blog :-)
Delete"Vitreous anticipation" I loved that expression, very sad poem one that hits a bit too close to home
ReplyDeleteHi! and Welcome:-) Thank you so much for noticing that, it was one of my favorites. Yes, that phrase is usually not what it means, it's just a way of saying goodbye without using those words.
Delete